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All about me

May 25th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in calories | deep thoughts | exercise | fitness | food | Glasgow | grad school | gym | headache | health | life | motivation | neuro | obesity | pain | Scotland | spinning | weight loss | workout - (0 Comments)

After participating in last night’s #fitblog on twitter (hosted beautifully by Skinny Emmie!) I got a ton of new followers.  Hopefully this will translate to new followers and commenters here!  So I figured I would post an about me.  If you know me, feel free to move along.

I don’t know where to begin really.  I was born and raised in MA, USA.  Up until last September, I lived in Boston as a substitute teacher.  (I’m a licensed teacher in MA, in elementary education- but there are few jobs.) I am currently living in Glasgow, Scotland getting my second Masters in education.  I will be spending the summer working on my dissertation on school bullying.

I’ve applied to the PhD program here and am waiting on finding out if I’ve been accepted.  If so,  I will be researching bullying and its effects on upper primary grade children.  If I am not accepted, I will be having a nervous breakdown figuring out what I am going to do come September.

I’ve always been overweight.  In 1999 I started working out and eating better (and a lot less) and lost 85 pounds.  I didn’t keep up the healthy lifestyle for a variety of reasons and over the past 10 years have gained all the weight back.

I tried several different diets, and in 2003 I went on Optifast.  I got really ill on this diet and didn’t lose much weight at all (~10lbs), despite eating less than 900 calories a day and running 3 days a week.  Since then I have suffered from severe daily headaches that can leave me bedridden and miserable.  I have had countless tests and have seen 5 different neurologists.  The diagnoses range from chronic daily headache syndrome to chronic daily migraines.  Not one of the 5 doctors have had a definitive diagnosis or agreed with one another. It is frustrating, but I try to manage as best as I can.

Earlier last year I had been doing a lot better weight wise and right before I had breast reduction surgery in July.  After moving to Scotland and then losing my mum earlier this year, I’ve managed to gain a lot of weight despite trying various diet plans and recently going back to the gym.  I am assuming that this has to do with me eating my emotions and not dealing with how I am feeling over moving and losing my mum.  I mostly think I really like food and eating it- I just need to re-learn how to do it in moderation and not lose control.

Right now I am trying to get back into regular workouts as I love how it makes me feel (especially spinning), but I have a hard time staying motivated when I don’t see any results.  (I know I shouldn’t expect to see a lot of results in 2 weeks, but I had hoped to have found I hadn’t *gained* even more weight.)

Questions?  Comments?  Fire away!

Not myself

May 24th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in beauty | boring cindy is boring | exercise | fitness | food | food choices | Glasgow | goals | grad school | gym | life in general | meds | Scotland | walk | workout | writing - (0 Comments)

I’m not feeling like myself today.  I haven’t really felt like myself since we came back from London.  Even though my feet hurt, I had a lot of energy and felt good.  Recently, I just feel tired and sluggish and blah and whatnot.  I think it may have to do with the fact I’m out of my vitamin D supplement.

I think I am going to have to find a new and better GP if I am planning on staying here longer.  The last time I went and had my ankle looked at, about 30 seconds was spent on examination.  It just made me feel dismissed, like my issue wasn’t real.

Anyways, I just feel blah.  Not depressed (well not anymore than usual), not anxious, just blah.  Maybe it is the weather, since it has been raining for what seems like forever now.  It rains, we get a bit of sun, it rains.  Repeat.

So I have no idea.  I’m excited to work out, but can’t get the motivation to do it.  I have things I need to do and people to call etc, and can’t “find the time.”  I just wish I was at the point where everything came easy; healthy living and eating and working out and working on my dissertation.  Someday, some day soon I hope.

Today I had some me time and got my nails done and then I met Steph for lunch.  We walked around a bit after and then we came back and I ran a load of laundry and took a nap.  I meant to only sleep for a bit but it ended up being way longer than I wanted and missed spinning.  :(  Bad Cindy.

I also took a few photos of some of the damage that occurred in our neighborhood from the ridic winds here yesterday.  Not that it even makes any comparison to what has happened in the US, but it was crazy what some wind can do.

Tomorrow is a new day- hopefully with better choices.

Busy, wild weather Monday

May 23rd, 2011 | Posted by cindy in exercise | fitness | Glasgow | grad school | life in general | Scotland - (0 Comments)

If I were in Boston I could say there is quite a Nor’easter out there.  But I am in Glasgow…..and it is WINDY.  I mean 70mph gusts windy.  The plants in the windows are waving to and fro it is that windy.

Today started off ok.  I got my new Polar FT7 in the mail!  :)  It’s the male version so it is kind of bulky and I could have sworn I selected the F version, but whatever.  It is great and has lots of functions that my old one doesn’t.

After I watched L&O: CI I took it on a trial run at the gym.  I went at what I thought would have been a good time but I was wrong.  Even at 12:30ish it was busy and the 2 Espinners were out of service.  Combine that with the fact I was hungry and I ended up with a crappy workout.

I grabbed a sandwich at the gym cafe and then met Steph for coffee.  I nearly got blown away waiting for the bus!

We then went to St. Enoch to run some errands and to go to 3 to see if we could get her an iPhone (which we did!)  :)  We walked around a bit and I am glad I didn’t have too much of a hard core work out since I wouldn’t have had much energy to walk around in the wind and rain!    (I have no idea why that photo won’t show up right side up!)

Anyways, I hope tomorrow will be a better workout day.

Yesterday/today catchup

May 21st, 2011 | Posted by cindy in couch to 5k | dissertation | Doctor Who | exercise | fitness | food | Glasgow | grad school | gym | health | life | meds | running | Scotland | shopping | timelord | walk - (1 Comments)

1. Workout- I had no desire to do anything yesterday but I needed to pick up my prescription at uni, so I had to go out.  I walked to uni and then got the bus to the gym.

I did about 25 mins of upper body and then C25K.  I was VERY sweaty at the end.  I wanted to spin some but both bikes were being used and the class was full so I walked to the bus and then headed home.  Not bad.  :)

I ordered a new Polar HRM that is more up to date and will help me better train.  I can’t wait to get my Polar FT7 HRM!

2. Grad school-I did meet with my professor on Thursday and he was totally fine that I hadn’t gotten very far.  We discussed some changes and I will be making for the paper and what else needs to be done.  I also ran into some of my classmates and they hadn’t done anything really either, so I don’t feel bad or behind anymore.  So I have 20,000 words to write for it.  Good times.  I have a TON of research done already.  Just need to read it all.

3. Stephanie finished a big paper yesterday so we went out for dinner.  I had grilled chicken and it came with a grilled veggie tart.  It was delish.  I also had some chips- b/c the chips at the Curler’s Rest are so delish.  And as a treat we had ice cream at the only Coldstone in Glasgow.  I had tiramisu.  Yum.   :)

4.  Today it’s raining.  It’s miserable out and I have no desire to go out in it.  I did walk a quick 2 miles to Boots and back to get my prescription and some coffee.  My ankle is really tender today so staying off it seems like a good idea.  Tomorrow I booked into a Body Pump class and that should be a good workout.

As for the rest of today- Doctor Who at 6:45 and some reading.  A nice, quiet, lazy day.

In which another day passes and nothing gets accomplished

May 18th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in dissertation | exercise | Glasgow | London | Scotland | travel | UK | writing - (5 Comments)

I have a meeting with my advisor tomorrow regarding my dissertation.  We met when I got back from the US after my mom died.  That was about 2 months ago.  In that time, I had 2 other papers to write, and I took a holiday.  I have done some research on my dissertation.  In fact I spent 2 days at the library looking up books and journal articles.  (Not that I have actually *read* them.)

I honestly have no idea what I am doing.  I found a template online to assist me in writing, but I am not really sure what I am supposed to be writing.  I mean do I just go all in and do this- or is there some sort of formulaic way- like the way a Law and Order episode is drawn out?   I hope my advisor isn’t pissed that I have no idea what I am doing- I just felt really foolish asking at this point in the academic year.  (I’ve never had to write such a paper for my previous degrees so……)

So I am stressed and not feeling 100% and didn’t work out again today and this isn’t good since I had been doing so well.  I am going to the gym right after my meeting with my advisor in the morning to get it out of the way.

I also need to go to the public library and pick up a book.  I found a book group that meets in a coffee shop I love, and I really need to do something that isn’t my dissertation this summer.

Oh!  And the one thing I did actually get done today (besides watching Timelash) was to book my mini trip to London to see INXS in June.  I am taking the overnight bus (cheap) and staying one night in London, and then busing back the night of the show.  It sucks and I will be tired but it is the cheapest option.  (I’d rather have the money for when we go see MAAN later in June!!!!)

Sorry if this is a totally random post- I’m not focusing at the moment.

Oh, and if you are reading this, please take a moment to say “hi” in the comments.  I <3 comments.

Ok I am really going to sign off this post and get work done.  Really.

Saturday’s workout

May 15th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in couch to 5k | dissertation | Doctor Who | exercise | fitness | Glasgow | grad school | gym | life | pain | Race For Life | running | Scotland - (0 Comments)

I had a great workout on Saturday.  I did weights for 20 minutes (upper body), 30 minutes on the elliptical, and then another half hour on the treadmill doing C25K. 

The C25K was the hardest by far.  My ankle/foot was not happy about it, and it being the end of the workout, I was getting tired.  At the end as I cooled down, I had taken off my headphones.  I was feeling grumpy and frustrated over how difficult I found doing C25K.  And playing at the gym was the song that had been my mom’s ringback tone.  And suddenly I felt a lot better.  :)  

I hope that I will have improved a lot by the time my first 5K comes about on 5th June.  Stephanie and I are doing the Race for Life.  If you are so inclined you can sponsor us here. 

Today is being spent at the library working on my dissertation and research.  My ankle needs the day off. 

How have you gotten  your workout on this weekend?  Are you running any races soon?

And my fellow Whovians, what did you think of The Doctor’s Wife?  I thought it was brilliant and the best episode since the Tennant years!

back to it

May 13th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in calories | dissertation | exercise | fitness | Glasgow | grad school | gym | London | spinning | travel | UK | weight | writing - (0 Comments)

Apparently my last post has vanished.  I hope it comes back soon.

I went shopping this morning and spent WAY too much money!  Oops.  I got things that I needed and my niece her 5th birthday present.

After coffee and getting caught in the rain, I came home so I could get work done and ended up searching for travel options for my weekend trip to London next month.

Then, I went to spinning today for the first time since my surgery, which was almost 10 months ago! (In fact this was my first real HARD workout since then.  I have been walking and things, but nothing overly exerting, hence the weight gain.)  I wish I hadn’t waited so long because it was wonderful.  It was easier without the extra sports bra, and liberating as well!  I am sure I will be sore tomorrow!  I hope I can walk as it is Farmer’s Market day!

So for an hour and nine minutes….
I thought it might be more, and it may be.  I think my HRM needs a new battery.

I’m tired but energetic, and part of me wants to go out to the store, but the other part of me has no desire to put on not my jim jams and go out.  It can wait until tomorrow.  No one needs yogurt that badly.

I should be working on my dissertation right now as well, but it is Friday night.  I do need to get a lot done in the next few days before my appt with my advisor.

Cheerio!

How Cindy got her gym groove back (or at least attempted to)

May 12th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in calories | exercise | fitness | Glasgow | gym | life | motivation | spinning - (0 Comments)

I will be honest.  The uni gym is not all that it’s cracked up to be.  Which is why it’s 40 pounds a year.  Granted, I can’t complain about spending that money for pretty much 3 workouts.  Whatever.  No worries.  And I haven’t gone regularly because 1.  I’m lazy and 2.  it sucks.  It has none of the classes I like and it has like 7 treadmills.  So…….

After walking around London I found I had more energy and felt better and actually lost like 6 pounds on vacation (eating mostly 99′s and random food).  So I decided to give Glasgow Club a try.  They have locations all over the city, and some have hot tubs.  (Thank God.)

I headed to the Scotstoun location (a 2 mile walk from home, or a short bus ride).  I signed up and had my induction so I can use the equipment right away.  They have pilates and spinning and I am SO excited.  What was even cooler, is they have an eSpinner.  An eSpinner is a spin bike that you can plug your iPod into and use your own spin workouts/podcasts/or just your own music.  Or you can use a pre-embedded video workout.  I did a bit of both kinds to see what it was like.  I wish Bob Harper did the videos.  The guy doing it is kind of douchey.  But YMMV.

After I walked on the treadmill for a bit to calibrate my Nike+.  (It was already calibrated right!)

And then I soaked in the hot tub.  This is where I miss my old gym, Healthworks and their plushy, clean, plushy, high end, all women, beautiful, perfect club.  (If you live in the Boston area, check them out!!!)  With the giant jacuzzi and shower gel and shampoo in clean showers and the large vanities…. oh I could go ON!  No gym will ever compare to Healthworks, and that is ok.  Beacuse I found a place for a reasonable price for the time being where I can get my spinning and hot tub fix, and hopefully be skinnier in the process.

another week gone

April 10th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in anxiety | depression | exercise | food choices | Glasgow | goals | grief | headache | health | motivation | pain | update | weigh ins - (0 Comments)

and another 2lbs up.  :(  I have no idea what is wrong with me.  It makes me want to cry.

 

I’m afraid I’m going to become a hermit or a recluse or one of those people who can’t get out of their homes b/c they are too fat.

All I want to do is eat.  Food tastes good and it is easier than admitting I’m bored or tired or in pain or lonely or the fact I miss my mum or any number of things.

That going out now is so fucking exhausting and I don’t want to b/c I have to go up all those stairs when I get back and it is so painful and it hurts.  Everything hurts.  My shoulder, my head, my ankle.

The scale keeps going up and up and up and  it  makes me wonder why I bother and why I even exist.   Stephanie is going to leave me b/c I am so fat and she can’t even want to be with me.  I don’t even want to LOOK at myself anymore.  It’s why I don’t bother with makeup anymore.  I have to look at myself to put it on.  And I can’t be bothered to put on a mask.  I’m too down and low to even bother b/c I know it; how hideous I am and what a waste it was for that surgery.



I should be close my goal weight by now.  Not 30+ lbs heavier than a year ago.



Living sucks.  I don’t know how to do it anymore.  I don ‘t know how to cope.  I don’t know how to be happy.  I feel sick because of how I’ve ended up but I don’t have the energy to fix it.  Just walking to uni is exhausting.  Just getting up is exhausting.  Writing this paper that is due in a week is exhausting.



I am just so drained and emotional.  I know I must be grieving, but I don’t even know how to do that right.  I just miss my mum…..  no more phone calls or birthday cards.  No more Red Sox games.  I just want to hear her voice.  I just want that time back. I am so angry at myself.  And I had no closure and I am so so so angry. I just wish she could tell me it was going to be ok.  Just one more time.

Bleurg

April 4th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in calories | exercise | fitness | food | Glasgow | goals | gym | headache | health | motivation | pain | update | weight loss - (0 Comments)

Bleurg.  This weight loss and exercise keeps getting derailed.  First, my shoulder (which still isn’t back to normal), my ankle (which is starting to get better), and my never ending headaches.

My weight is up again- only a pound, but still.  I have now gained 30 pounds since my surgery in July.  NOT THE RIGHT WAY AROUND.

I’m trying a few things out to see if it helps.  I am starting to taper off on some of my meds to see if they are affecting my weight gain.  We got a stability ball and a mini trampoline that I can use at home.  I downloaded some Tae Bo and I am going to try to get to a spinning class this week.  I am walking more, as much as my ankle will let me- as it heals.

I would really like to be down to 200 by the end of the month- which is not likely to happen but I would like it before I go to London- to look and feel better about myself.