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Too quiet

February 20th, 2012 | Posted by admin in exercise | fitness | Glasgow | grad school | gym | health | life | running | Scotland | stress | UK | workout - (0 Comments)

It’s too quiet here. Steph has gone back to the US for 2 weeks (long story, don’t ask) and it is very, very quiet here. As much as we’ve already been getting on each other’s nerves (stress- again, don’t ask) I miss her. It’s too quiet here.

She had to leave early, and I wasn’t able to fall asleep early, and then when she left I was awake for a few hours and then finally fell back to sleep and woke up at noon. Which wasn’t on my plan of attack for the day. I wanted to be in the office by 11ish. Yeah. Didn’t happen.

I ended up going to the library since I had to return something and then after spending a few hours there, I went to the gym. I’m running a 10K in May and since the weather here isn’t quite conducive to running outside right now, the Uni gym is the best bet. It isn’t great; It’s so crowded and I am by far the largest person there and all the super skinny undergrads were looking at me like I was a bit odd.

Once that was said and done, I had to walk home, which made me unhappy since it was raining and too windy to put up my umbrella. I’ve had dinner, done a load of laundry, and am now watching Sherlock (again).

I just hope I get an actual decent night’s sleep and can actually get some work accomplished tomorrow.

Update on all the things

January 25th, 2012 | Posted by cindy in exercise | Glasgow | grad school | health | life | running | Scotland | shopping | UK | update - (1 Comments)

Flat: We have put the deposit down on the flat, and hopefully should be moving 1st February if not sooner, which is what I wish. My back is not a big fan of the crappy mattress at the hostel.

Illness: I guess I am back to about 95%. My throat hurts sometimes when I wake up but I think that has to do with the ridic heat/dryness at said hostel.

Working out: Well, suffice to say I haven’t done anything other than walking about since the 10K. Now that I don’t feel like utter crap, I plan to either start running again (weather permitting) or hitting the gym. While I am still not within walking distance of uni, I have a 5 day pass to a gym close to the hostel I will be using ASAP.

Uni: I met with my professor. I have to rework my proposal and whatnot and we are meeting again next week. Unfortunately I cannot locate my proposal AT ALL. I don’t even have a hard copy; I looked through all the paperwork I had here. Unless it is hidden away somewhere and I have no idea where that would be, I am kind of screwed. I can rewrite it, but I preferred not to reinvent the wheel and just wanted to edit the old one. So I have started over. I have 71 words written. Great start, right?

Still looking into getting a new computer. My old Dell laptop is slow and the cable doesn’t stay plugged in. I will get one with my office, but it won’t be “mine,” nor will it be a laptop. Also I don’t know when space will be allocated for me.

Fandom: Still a Cumberbitch. I can’t help it. I clearly need help, stat.

And I am off to get some errands done.

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Catch up

January 18th, 2012 | Posted by cindy in Glasgow | grad school | health | UK - (0 Comments)

I’ve neglected my poor blog for a variety of reasons. 1. I have had limited internet. 2. I’ve been sooo sick. I thought it was nothing, that I was just being all dizzy and feeling crappy for no reason, but then I realized that duh, my ear is killing and is blocked, no wonder I have no equilibrium and feel like the room is spinning. I ended up figuring this out on a Friday, after the GP was closed. So Saturday am I called NHS 24 and I was told to go to Western General emergency GP clinic and there I was evaluated and assessed and told I had an ear infection {really, I had no idea.}. Unfortunately, I have really not felt much better and I have felt like crap for a week now. I do feel a little better, but my right ear is still blocked and I have trouble hearing out of it and my general energy and enthusiasm levels are less than stellar.

Then, there was yesterday’s freak out about my student loan deposit and subsequent nervous breakdown. In the end, it was fine and all has been sorted and whatnot.

The past 2 days I have been able to get out and run errands and things that I’ve needed to do which is good. Tomorrow I am meeting with my advisor to start discussing what it is I am actually doing.

So that’s about it.

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In Glasgow!

January 12th, 2012 | Posted by cindy in exercise | Glasgow | grad school | life | money woes | running | Scotland | travel | UK | winter - (0 Comments)

I’m in Glasgow! Horray!

Ok I have been here for a week, and I have been pretty busy looking for flats, trying to get things for school set up, going to Boots and Tesco, and having some sort of weird vertigo thing for the past 2 days, which hasn’t helped matters. It has been rather nice; sunny and cold which works fine for me. I need to get a picture of the sunrise or sunset over the River Clyde. Being on the 8th floor gives us great views, but the windows are dirty which is why I haven’t taken any as of yet. I’ve done a fair amount of walking, but I haven’t run since the 10K. Eep! I do have a pass for 5 free days at LA Fitness in Glasgow, so as soon as this dizziness thing sorts it self out, I can get my running on! {Or at the very least run along the river while it’s nice and sunny!}

So far I am waiting on my loans, so we can get a flat, and I can get some more clothing! I didn’t bring a lot of my stuff and I would like to get some basics of long sleeved tops and a pair of jeans and some wellies before I get too caught up in school.

I’ve been reading a lot as well, as I am not sure how much time I will have for it. If anyone has any recommendations about schooling and education in the UK, I would love to read them. Most of my knowledge is fiction based from Waterloo Road and an old copy of Scottish Education I had rattling around the old flat. I’d like something a bit more contemporary and not too dry. {I’m not asking much!}

I hope everyone is having a great week!

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Christmas wishlist

December 13th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in David Tennant | deep thoughts | Doctor Who | exercise | fitness | Glasgow | goals | grad school | health | life | motivation | nsv | Scotland | shopping | workout - (1 Comments)

Wow 2 posts in one day? Who am I?

In my new {almost} running shoes I banged out nearly a 6k in under an hour. AND despite not thinking I would have a new PR, I DO! Thanks to my clever oldest niece who had showed me how to take screencaps on my iphone you can see it. Go me!

The sky was very, very blue today. It was such a great day out for a run!

Now, to the actual point of this post. This Christmas isn’t going to be great. In fact, in some ways it’s going to suck, and there isn’t anything I can do about it. I miss my mum, end of. So I decided to try to make myself feel better by coming up with the most crazy Christmas wishlist, a top ten you may say. Please do not think that I actually believe I will get any of these things. Especially #1. I wish!

10. All this retail work has made my nails a mess. I’d love a shellac manicure and a pedicure {I don’t even need toe polish I would just kill for the foot rub!} to start off the New Year right!

9. I could sure use this for my iphone.

8. Since I am being totally frivolous here, I can see myself in Buchanan Square with this bag.

7. While I am waiting for the coffee {see below} I should stretch.

6. I will need plenty of coffee to keep me going, so those Starbucks gift cards are always welcome. :)

5.Since I am going to be working hard on my thesis for my PhD, a new computer would be a huge asset! In my dreams, I know! I can be reasonable, even if it is still a stretch.

4. I guess new super cool running shoes would be great to get as well! The New Balance 993′s would be perfect. Grey/pink is fine. Size 7. :)

3. Now that I am running I really need a Road Id. I’d like the wrist id slim, in black. But I think I need to wait until I move until I get it.

2. While I’d love to have this at my door as well I will probably have to settle for this.

Or this, even.

1. What I would really love most of all would be to open the door on Christmas and have this waiting for me.

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Christmas miracle {my big surprise announcement!}

December 2nd, 2011 | Posted by cindy in deep thoughts | Glasgow | grad school | Scotland | travel | UK - (15 Comments)

You know the song “Lose Yourself” by Eminem? I’m sure you do. Anyways, there is a line in it that goes “You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.” Ok it’s more than one line, humor me. For the longest time I thought that was true, that you only had one shot at getting what you wanted. Not 2, not 3. Just one. I’ve now been proved wrong.

I’m getting that second chance.

I’ve been hinting for a bit now, that something was happening. I’m sure many of you have an idea about what I am going to say.

I’m going back to Scotland! I’m going to get a second chance to get my PhD.

Now some of you may be thrilled for me. Some of you may be concerned or disappointed. Some of you may be wondering why the heck I’m doing this. Just know this. I want this. I want this a lot. It means a lot to me to be able to do this and do it right this time, since I know what I am getting into. There won’t be the culture shock or confusion about where to go and how to get there, because I already know.

This was not a decision that was made lightly. There were lots of talks and arguments and hopes that went into this decision. I am VERY lucky that I was able to make this work. And the reason for the secrecy was because I didn’t want to say anything until I was 100% sure. Today I can make that statement. The offer letter and acceptance have been in for some time. The loans are processing. I have my Visa appointment next week.

I hope you can all be happy for me.

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Good news

October 4th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in dissertation | grad school | money woes | writing - (0 Comments)

For once I have some good news to share.  I got an email today regarding my Masters dissertation and I passed!  I did WAY better than I expected, considering at the end I was plagued by illness, headaches, and little money.  I am very relieved.  Now all I have to do is graduate {which I most likely won’t be able to attend}.

 

Now all I need is to win the lottery/find a ton of scholarships/find a money tree so I can get my PhD, or find a job so I can eventually get said PhD.

 

The education job market here is pretty much nil, unless I wake up to find a car outside for me, or a place to live in the city.  I’ve expanded my job search to anything I have qualifications for, and pretty much anywhere in the US.  So far I’ve come up with a few jobs, but nothing that looks very promising.  It’s very frustrating to have almost 2 Masters degrees and to be unemployed.  Not that I am the only one who is unemployed but sometimes it isn’t easy to explain to people my situation and whatnot.

 

I’ve even attempted to tutor, but without references it makes it a bit hard, as I have never tutored before, and my current references are slightly out of date from being out of the country for a year.   It also seems that most of the jobs are for toddler aged kids and I am not certified for that age group, putting me out of the market for a chunk of jobs.  The same goes with nannying; I don’t have transportation, so it makes that out of bounds for me as well….. I just hope it gets better so I can stop thinking and carrying on about it.

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Back “home,” August recap, September goals

September 1st, 2011 | Posted by cindy in anxiety | boring cindy is boring | Glasgow | grad school | I don't want to go | life in general | London | money woes | Scotland - (0 Comments)

This is sort of a catch-all post.

I’m back “home.” The thing is I’m not. This house is not my home. It is where I grew up, but it is no longer my home. I left that several thousand miles ago. Glasgow was my home, and I had hoped eventually to make my permanent home there or in London. I miss it. I miss Steph. I miss Plushie Ten. I miss it all. But I screwed up. And when I screw up, I do it big time. It isn’t something I feel comfortable sharing right now, but believe me it’s a big clusterfuck. And it is all my fault.

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August goals were to walk 3 miles a day. Didn’t happen. My back/legs/feet [possible sciatica] caused this and not to mention the stress of having to come back to the US. Once I get insurance, hopefully I can have it checked out. So right now I am walking as much as I can, stretching, and trying not to stress.

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September goals are to not murder my family and not lose my sanity. Pretty much, yeah. Oh and find a job, but that is unfortunately out of my hands, unless schools want me to come in and dazzle them with my lessons and knowledge of bullying issues.

I’m also really behind in reading blogs and commenting, and I duly apologize. Hopefully I will be able to get back on that ASAP.

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Still stunned

August 11th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in deep thoughts | Edinburgh | Glasgow | grad school | grief | I don't want to go | London | MAAN | UK - (1 Comments)

I’m still stunned and in shock over everything that has happened over the past 24 hours.   I can’t even really eat or concentrate. It still doesn’t feel real to me, and all the plans I had for the next few months are just a distant memory (getting a kitty, planning a quick stage door trip, John Barrowman in November, Christmas lights in London, Hogmanay in Edinburgh . . .  .).  I just feel this tremendous loss at this point and it is making it hard for me to not break down every time I remember something else I was going to do.

It’s making it hard to be happy for Steph who is staying.  I am so happy for her and that she found a new supervisor and it looks like smooth sailing.  And I am truly happy for her.  I just want to be here too.  I wish I had known this was going to happen and then I would have found a way to get on a Tier 2 visa so I could stay and work.  I would have loved to have moved to London to work and/or teach.  That’s my dream.  I hope some day it can come true.

And as much as I was worrying about writing 100k worth of dissertation, I’m even more worried about heading home, finding a job, and dealing with finances, and the grief I’m still carrying.

I know I only have myself to blame, but that’s another story for another time.

Right now the only thing I can do is pack, donate, sell, job search, and pray that I can find something quick that pays well.   So if you’re in Boston and you know of any schools that are hiring or anything or know of someone who might need a room mate come Oct/Nov, send them my way if you could please.

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The best laid plans of mice and men

August 9th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in Glasgow | goals | grad school | money woes | UK | Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

The PhD program may not be in my cards.  I received my financial information and it appears that I would need to contribute to in addition to the financial aid.  Unless there was a mistake on the form, there is no way I can come up with the money needed.

And I’m ok with it.  I really am.  If it is worked out great, but if it can’t be I am ok with it- other than the fact that I have no money, place to live, job, or money to fly back to the US. (minor details obviously)

Also, after doing my exit interview for the student loans I was freaked out about how much I owe (think really expensive car with all the add ons cost) (going back to 1993 from my BA).  I honestly do not think adding an additional $60-90K to that is a good idea over the next 3 years, considering I don’t have any idea what I will be doing at the end of the program.

So, lots to think about.

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