She had to leave early, and I wasn’t able to fall asleep early, and then when she left I was awake for a few hours and then finally fell back to sleep and woke up at noon. Which wasn’t on my plan of attack for the day. I wanted to be in the office by 11ish. Yeah. Didn’t happen.

I ended up going to the library since I had to return something and then after spending a few hours there, I went to the gym. I’m running a 10K in May and since the weather here isn’t quite conducive to running outside right now, the Uni gym is the best bet. It isn’t great; It’s so crowded and I am by far the largest person there and all the super skinny undergrads were looking at me like I was a bit odd.

Once that was said and done, I had to walk home, which made me unhappy since it was raining and too windy to put up my umbrella. I’ve had dinner, done a load of laundry, and am now watching Sherlock (again).

I just hope I get an actual decent night’s sleep and can actually get some work accomplished tomorrow.

Now this may sound ridiculously hypocritical and it is way beyond me to say what is right for someone other than myself (and given I’ve been a lazy sloth for the past month and a half, I really have no right, but…)  I am going to write about it anyways.

I am not usually a fan of reality tv.  It really isn’t my cup of tea.  But I did watch the biggest loser for a few seasons, and I really liked season 10 and 11.  I haven’t watched any of this season b.c when I was home it was on the same time as NCIS and well Mark Harmon > The Biggest Loser.  :)  Enough said.

Anyways I do follow some of the previous contestants on twitter.  They look fab.  I wish I could look so good.  But one thing I have noticed is their exercise habits seem rather extreme some days.   Not every day, as I am sure I miss tweets and nor does everyone post about eveyrthing they are doing.  But some days it is extreme, like 4-5 hours of working out.  What I like about the BL is that it does teach healthy habits and exercise.  Now granted they work out all day there on the show, and I would assume, as they get fitter and more toned and after the show is over, they wouldn’t need to have such extreme habits to keep the weight off, am I right?  (granted it is what *I* should have done after losing 85 lbs and then stopped, but well I was stupid and in a bad relationship, blah blah blah)

How can you go back to your real life, and still work out that much?  How do you have time to work, deal with family, errands, etc, sleep, and still manage to work out 4-5 hours a day?  That is not feasible for most people I know.  No, everyone I know.  Granted, I am not working and don’t really have a scheudle.  I feasibly could work out that much, if I were trained and toned and in shape.  But would I want to?  Would I want to spend that much time to keep working out after I have achieved the body I want?  Wouldn’t I want to MAINTAIN it healthily with daily workouts of 30-60 minutes?

Unless I am training for a marathon I don’t think I would have the patience, tenacity or desire to.  I would want to go back to my life feeling better about myself, and not have to spend as much time in the gym.

Am I wrong here, or have perhaps some of them gone from a “food addiction” to a workout addiction?

I am not a personal trainer, and I am not in shape and in order to get to the correct weight for my height to have a normal BMI I would need to lose nearly 100 pounds, so I am really not one to be harping on what someone who has done that is currently doing.  I just think it is something to think about.  I wouldn’t want to lose weight again, and have to go through still having to work out to excess after I have done it all.  Am I making sense?

I know when I lost 85 lbs, I didn’t do it in the healthiest of manners.  I ate little and worked out a lot.

It looked like this food wise:  ( I was a vegetarian at the time)

Breakfast: egg white omelette w/ veggies and sometimes some cheese, coffee

lunch: big salad

snack: coffee

dinner: pasta with sauce and faux mince

I was hungry ALL THE TIME.  I never felt satisfied.  I never let myself have a treat and if I did splurge on half a cookie, well I had to work out MORE.

Then I would go to the gym and hit the elliptical/weights or take a Tae Bo class and a weight class and then workout on the treadmill (about 1.5-2 hrs per day)

So yeah I lost weight, but I wasn’t happy.  I ended up in a relationship that was harmful.  I thought once I had hit 140, I was golden. I began eating more at my boyfriend’s house; his mom was a great cook, and ended up back at 160 in about 3 days.  I still worked out, but not to the same level.  I was back up to nearly 200 within a year or so gaining and losing the same 10-15 pounds year after year.

>So…..would I have been better off maintaining and working out like a fiend?  Or being a little bit happier to eat good food and not care?

It’s one of those things that I just can’t get my head around- the balance of it all.  (That and just being lazy.)

Yesterday I was supposed to get my haircut.  I was the first appointment and it ended up being cancelled (after I walked there and everything) but I am rescheduled for tomorrow.

So instead we walked around a bit and I took a few photos.

We also found a park that had cross training exercise equipment.  It will be fun to run there and then do circuits in the summer!

In the meantime I really, really need to get on a schedule.  I got up to buy Hugh Laurie tickets this morning and then went back to sleep.  Until 1.  Yeah.  It’s a wonder that I have got anything accomplished lately (other than cleaning I haven’t.)

So hopefully I will be back later, with all my posts in tact!

Some personal background before I begin however: I’m 36 years old. I’m bisexual. I’m Catholic. I’ve taught at a Catholic school. And right now I’m a PhD student working on the issue of bullying and cyber bullying. I was bullied as a kid. I was called “lesbian” before I even knew what a lesbian was; I had to go home and look it up in the dictionary- true story. I’ve never flaunted my sexuality. It’s a personal thing for me and in my opinion no one’s business, except for myself and whomever I am dating. What goes on in the bedroom of ANYONE should stay there and is of no consequence to anyone but the partners involved.

That being said, there is an epidemic of LBGT teens committing suicide, having suicidal thoughts, and involved in para-suicidal behaviours. They feel alone, targeted, and often feel they have no one to talk to, no one to go to, and they feel it will never get better. (Hence the It Gets Better project, which is invaluable.) But it can’t work if kids/teachers/parents are afraid to speak out because the school’s policies have an underlying current of discrimination because of the religious persuasion of the community. Policies that stated that school personnel had to “stay neutral” on issues regarding sexual persuasion. And I am sure that the community that the Rolling Stone article focused on is not the only one in the US, or around the world.

I’m sorry but this “neutral policy” is utter bullshit. Bullying whether due to religion, race, gender, sexual orientation, income, whether you are pink, purple, polka dotted is WRONG and should not be tolerated full stop. There is no reason to remain NEUTRAL. If a child is being called a dyke or a whore or the c word or the n word, it needs to be stopped. The bully needs to be punished and the victim needs to be reassured, protected, and helped- not ignored just because he or she may or may not be gay, Jewish, African American, or any other designation under the sun.

The victims are being made to feel ashamed and worthless, and feel they have no other form of recourse than to take their own lives because the adults in their life are powerless to take the steps to speak out against policies that are vague at best. Policies of any kind of discrimination have no place in public schools. Policies that are neutral or anti-gay in public schools HAVE NO PLACE. There is a separation of church and state in the US for a reason. Policies that are influenced by religion have no place in public schools.

Children should feel safe in school. They should not fear walking down the hall or going into the bathroom. They should be able to be individuals, and be themselves and not fear slurs being shouted at them, texted to them, or written on their Facebook walls.

Jesus said, “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” I think this needs to be remembered by those who wish to condemn students who may be different, for whatever reason. No child, no student, no human being should have to be made to feel that they are as lesser person because of their sexual orientation. And no more should have to commit suicide because they feel there is no way out. I think members of the religious right, and those who wish to push their beliefs should think about that the next time they condemn someone who is “different.”

Here are some pictures of the flat!

I do have some interesting posts planned to go up soon on bullying and the religious right, the biggest loser and extreme exercise, and my own struggles in losing weight so please stay tuned.

How long have you ever gone without internet in the home? Did it make you nuts?

Illness: I guess I am back to about 95%. My throat hurts sometimes when I wake up but I think that has to do with the ridic heat/dryness at said hostel.

Working out: Well, suffice to say I haven’t done anything other than walking about since the 10K. Now that I don’t feel like utter crap, I plan to either start running again (weather permitting) or hitting the gym. While I am still not within walking distance of uni, I have a 5 day pass to a gym close to the hostel I will be using ASAP.

Uni: I met with my professor. I have to rework my proposal and whatnot and we are meeting again next week. Unfortunately I cannot locate my proposal AT ALL. I don’t even have a hard copy; I looked through all the paperwork I had here. Unless it is hidden away somewhere and I have no idea where that would be, I am kind of screwed. I can rewrite it, but I preferred not to reinvent the wheel and just wanted to edit the old one. So I have started over. I have 71 words written. Great start, right?

Still looking into getting a new computer. My old Dell laptop is slow and the cable doesn’t stay plugged in. I will get one with my office, but it won’t be “mine,” nor will it be a laptop. Also I don’t know when space will be allocated for me.

Fandom: Still a Cumberbitch. I can’t help it. I clearly need help, stat.

And I am off to get some errands done.

And now this.

2 page views, which were probably me checking to make sure the pictures had aligned right.

Way to make a girl feel special.

I know it comes across as whiny and pedantic to bitch and complain about readership or lack thereof. But seriously? What is the point of this? What is the point of me? Why do I continue to keep this site, if it is just for me to espouse what I think is interesting or important, especially if I feel like I am just talking to myself?

I know I don’t really have a blog genre; I blog about many different things. Perhaps I just thought I was more interesting than I really am. Perhaps the site stats are bust and really, lots and lots of people are reading these words and the comments are just lost in the void. But I think not.

It’s something to think about. Whether I want to stay and continue to elucidate about all things Cindy, or if I just want to consider throwing in the towel, that resurrecting neophytegirl was a failed experiment. Or maybe I just think I am far more funny and interesting than I really am and that no one wants to read about my fandom likes or why I’m sad or why I can’t get over xyz.

I just don’t know.

When I like things, I go all in. Always have, always will. As I was walking to campus I was thinking about how this long, strange journey began, and figured since I can’t find my frigging research proposal I should use my time wisely here.

It started early, in 3rd/4th grade with a show that probably wasn’t age appropriate, but when have I ever done anything normal. Normal is SO boring. (OMG Dallas is coming back! Eeeee!) (Yes, Dad they got Larry Hagman out of his wheelchair, just like Paul- oh wait not like Servalan is a spring chicken any more!)

I wrote fanfic for Dallas in elementary school, so much to the point that I was asked to find an outlet for my creativity in a different way.

So I moved on to . . . . .

Ok, so it was more . . . .
to the point that as an 11 year old I got to meet Paul Darrow, and my fangirling knew no bounds since that day. My dad got us tickets to a convention and I almost got to meet Jon Pertwee that day as well, but he was ill and not in attendance. A long time passed until I had another chance to meet anyone, but that day stands out in my memory very clearly.

I was pretty much a Blake’s 7 fangirl up until middle school, when I discovered something new.

I was INXS mad in the 7th grade. For Christmas that year I got all their cassettes and an INXS tshirt. (I may talk trash about my dad, but he’s always enabled me in my fangirling LOL.) I need to find that polaroid of me in the tshirt!

The fangirling pretty much was dormant in high school and college. I liked things, but I had discovered real life boys at that point and managed to take my crazy behaviours to new levels I can say I’m fairly ashamed of, hindsight being what it is and all.

Until I watched House, I was a pretty normal person. Since, I have to say that I do get a bit mad crazy over things. Just a bit. I was completely mental over Dr. House and began to try out my creativity in the realm of fanfiction again. Yes, it was House/Wilson 99% of the time, and no you can’t read any of it, unless you know where to look and no, I am not going to tell you b/c it’s rubbish.

I can’t say it was any good, but what I can say is that my fanmix, Afterglow, a Amber/Wilson (a bit of House), was downloaded like crazy and people really liked it. The music featured songs from House’s Head/Wilson’s Heart, along with other songs I found appropriate for the ending of season 4, an ending I can’t bring myself to watch.

About the same time, I had a chance opportunity to see INXS perform an acoustic set and from the day I laid eyes on JD Fortune, I went a bit crazy (again). This brought about a resurgence of my love for INXS, as well as crazy road trips to CT, NYC (I WAS ON THE TODAY SHOW!) (For 5 seconds!) (for a second, do shut up Cindy) and up to Canada for crazy drunk fun, tattoos, and booze all over the carpark. As well as zany things that happened, like this.

Fuck off, eh!

Also, at the same time, I realized that I could bitch about sports, or I could STFU and join in. Hence my love of all things Red Sox.

I’ve had a chance to see amazing things. Crazy blowout wins, long 14 inning games in the rain, Curt Schilling’s 200th win, ALDS game 1 in 2007, and opening day 2008. 2 World Series wins and 2 parades. Not to mention concerts with Bronson! And no, I never followed Curt Schilling around the Natick Mall. Nope. Not me. Never.

Over the past few years, I’ve tried to rein in my crazy fangirl tendencies. However, that didn’t work. It all started with . . . a skinny Scottish bloke with REALLY great hair.

Oh David Tennant, you sexy man you. (I can hear my sister rolling her eyes.)

And before you all ask, no I didn’t come to Scotland b/c of DT. Seriously.

Anyways, it’s been DT for a while now, but then I watched Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes and Mad Dogs and went a bit cray cray for John Simm and Philip Glenister. (It’s nice to know that I always seem to fall for older, although only slightly now, British men)

I’ve been watching everything I could get my hands on featuring the 2 of them. And then watching it some more. If Mad Dogs had been on VHS there’d be a tear in the tape by now.

However, my most recent obsesion (much to the chagrin of some of my friends) has been another British bloke with great hair- and cheekbones to die for.

Yes, I’ve become a Cumberbitch. (And hey, he’s single now, so . . . .) I’ve watched Sherlock more times than is probably healthy, and I’ve become addicted to tumblring his image all over the internets. (Oh honey, you should see ME in a crown.) (Yes, I know he didn’t say that line) (I have an unhealthy obsession with parentheses.)

Anyways, if you got this far, you are probably as bored as I am or procrastinating or think I’m mental. Probably. But I’ve met David Tennant. Hugh Laurie stood next to me. In fact, I’ve met 2 Doctors, 2 companions, saw INXS in London – all in the last year. So pretty ace, I’d say. It’s been a long crazy ride. I wonder where it will take me next?

Since I’ve been back in the UK, I’ve been using my UK debit card. Well, the bank noticed this and put a hold on my account, so that when we tried to reserve the flat, it kept getting declined despite the fact I had 3x the amount available in my account. I got it resolved on the bank side, but it still wouldn’t go through. So tomorrow we have to go and give it to them in cash.

The meeting with my advisor was fine. I get a {shared} office where I can work in the education building! That’s pretty exciting. I have work I have to do now, so I will be trying to get to campus a few times next week.

Hopefully the flat thing works out and then we can start to plan the move. I cannot wait to get out of the hostel. The bed is doing my back in, and they don’t get Sky, so I can’t watch Mad Dogs. Clearly this is a HUGE issue. I need my Simm and Glenister fix!