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Busy day

January 19th, 2012 | Posted by cindy in Glasgow | life | Scotland | UK - (0 Comments)

Today was busy, for me at least recently. Despite still feeling like crap and pouring rain and sleet, I knew we had to go out for a number of reasons. Coffee, getting to uni and getting Steph a letter proving she completed her M.Litt, meeting with my advisor, picking up dinner food. So all of that was done, along with trying to get the flat reserved, which won’t be 100% resolved until tomorrow.

Since I’ve been back in the UK, I’ve been using my UK debit card. Well, the bank noticed this and put a hold on my account, so that when we tried to reserve the flat, it kept getting declined despite the fact I had 3x the amount available in my account. I got it resolved on the bank side, but it still wouldn’t go through. So tomorrow we have to go and give it to them in cash.

The meeting with my advisor was fine. I get a {shared} office where I can work in the education building! That’s pretty exciting. I have work I have to do now, so I will be trying to get to campus a few times next week.

Hopefully the flat thing works out and then we can start to plan the move. I cannot wait to get out of the hostel. The bed is doing my back in, and they don’t get Sky, so I can’t watch Mad Dogs. Clearly this is a HUGE issue. I need my Simm and Glenister fix!

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Catch up

January 18th, 2012 | Posted by cindy in Glasgow | grad school | health | UK - (0 Comments)

I’ve neglected my poor blog for a variety of reasons. 1. I have had limited internet. 2. I’ve been sooo sick. I thought it was nothing, that I was just being all dizzy and feeling crappy for no reason, but then I realized that duh, my ear is killing and is blocked, no wonder I have no equilibrium and feel like the room is spinning. I ended up figuring this out on a Friday, after the GP was closed. So Saturday am I called NHS 24 and I was told to go to Western General emergency GP clinic and there I was evaluated and assessed and told I had an ear infection {really, I had no idea.}. Unfortunately, I have really not felt much better and I have felt like crap for a week now. I do feel a little better, but my right ear is still blocked and I have trouble hearing out of it and my general energy and enthusiasm levels are less than stellar.

Then, there was yesterday’s freak out about my student loan deposit and subsequent nervous breakdown. In the end, it was fine and all has been sorted and whatnot.

The past 2 days I have been able to get out and run errands and things that I’ve needed to do which is good. Tomorrow I am meeting with my advisor to start discussing what it is I am actually doing.

So that’s about it.

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In Glasgow!

January 12th, 2012 | Posted by cindy in exercise | Glasgow | grad school | life | money woes | running | Scotland | travel | UK | winter - (0 Comments)

I’m in Glasgow! Horray!

Ok I have been here for a week, and I have been pretty busy looking for flats, trying to get things for school set up, going to Boots and Tesco, and having some sort of weird vertigo thing for the past 2 days, which hasn’t helped matters. It has been rather nice; sunny and cold which works fine for me. I need to get a picture of the sunrise or sunset over the River Clyde. Being on the 8th floor gives us great views, but the windows are dirty which is why I haven’t taken any as of yet. I’ve done a fair amount of walking, but I haven’t run since the 10K. Eep! I do have a pass for 5 free days at LA Fitness in Glasgow, so as soon as this dizziness thing sorts it self out, I can get my running on! {Or at the very least run along the river while it’s nice and sunny!}

So far I am waiting on my loans, so we can get a flat, and I can get some more clothing! I didn’t bring a lot of my stuff and I would like to get some basics of long sleeved tops and a pair of jeans and some wellies before I get too caught up in school.

I’ve been reading a lot as well, as I am not sure how much time I will have for it. If anyone has any recommendations about schooling and education in the UK, I would love to read them. Most of my knowledge is fiction based from Waterloo Road and an old copy of Scottish Education I had rattling around the old flat. I’d like something a bit more contemporary and not too dry. {I’m not asking much!}

I hope everyone is having a great week!

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Allons-y!

January 4th, 2012 | Posted by cindy in Glasgow | Scotland - (1 Comments)

The next time I post, it will be from Scotland. I am not sure when it will be, but I will try to make it soon.

See you on the other side of the pond!

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Sunday catchup

December 4th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in exercise | fitness | Glasgow | goals | health | life | motivation | running | Scotland - (0 Comments)

Thank everyone for all the kind words. I am so excited about going back to Scotland!

Since I last posted I had a work shift at work, which I thought was going to be me actually working. But it was an orientation that ended early. I work for real tomorrow- not in the department I am supposed to be in, but in mens. Nine hours. Should be fun. My feet are already dreading it.

This week I work Monday and Saturday. Wednesday I go to Boston to do biometric data for my visa, and Thursday I have a family obligation. The following week I have more shifts, including 2 days working at the Coach counter!

Today I have been for a run and am going out soon to do some errands. I did 3.1 miles in 47 minutes, which is 3 minutes shaved off my previous PR. I am getting faster! I I wish all this running and activity would show up as a result on the scale or at least in my jeans! Of course it doesn’t help that I dry them in the dryer, or at least that is what I tell myself.

Overall I got an hour in, which I am happy with. I technically didn’t work out yesterday. It was freezing out and by the time I got home from work it was getting dark. I cleaned my room and moved things around instead. I *should* have gotten up early yesterday, but I didn’t sleep well the night before and decided that sleep was more important, since I thought I was actually working yesterday. Whether or not I manage to get up early tomorrow and walk or run is another story b/c I know after nine hours on my feet I will not want to come home at 6:45ish and do anything but crash. {I haven’t worked on my feet like that in years, and teaching certainly doesn’t count since I could sit whenever I felt like it, so yeah I am being a wuss about it LOL.}

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Christmas miracle {my big surprise announcement!}

December 2nd, 2011 | Posted by cindy in deep thoughts | Glasgow | grad school | Scotland | travel | UK - (15 Comments)

You know the song “Lose Yourself” by Eminem? I’m sure you do. Anyways, there is a line in it that goes “You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.” Ok it’s more than one line, humor me. For the longest time I thought that was true, that you only had one shot at getting what you wanted. Not 2, not 3. Just one. I’ve now been proved wrong.

I’m getting that second chance.

I’ve been hinting for a bit now, that something was happening. I’m sure many of you have an idea about what I am going to say.

I’m going back to Scotland! I’m going to get a second chance to get my PhD.

Now some of you may be thrilled for me. Some of you may be concerned or disappointed. Some of you may be wondering why the heck I’m doing this. Just know this. I want this. I want this a lot. It means a lot to me to be able to do this and do it right this time, since I know what I am getting into. There won’t be the culture shock or confusion about where to go and how to get there, because I already know.

This was not a decision that was made lightly. There were lots of talks and arguments and hopes that went into this decision. I am VERY lucky that I was able to make this work. And the reason for the secrecy was because I didn’t want to say anything until I was 100% sure. Today I can make that statement. The offer letter and acceptance have been in for some time. The loans are processing. I have my Visa appointment next week.

I hope you can all be happy for me.

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Back “home,” August recap, September goals

September 1st, 2011 | Posted by cindy in anxiety | boring cindy is boring | Glasgow | grad school | I don't want to go | life in general | London | money woes | Scotland - (0 Comments)

This is sort of a catch-all post.

I’m back “home.” The thing is I’m not. This house is not my home. It is where I grew up, but it is no longer my home. I left that several thousand miles ago. Glasgow was my home, and I had hoped eventually to make my permanent home there or in London. I miss it. I miss Steph. I miss Plushie Ten. I miss it all. But I screwed up. And when I screw up, I do it big time. It isn’t something I feel comfortable sharing right now, but believe me it’s a big clusterfuck. And it is all my fault.

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August goals were to walk 3 miles a day. Didn’t happen. My back/legs/feet [possible sciatica] caused this and not to mention the stress of having to come back to the US. Once I get insurance, hopefully I can have it checked out. So right now I am walking as much as I can, stretching, and trying not to stress.

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September goals are to not murder my family and not lose my sanity. Pretty much, yeah. Oh and find a job, but that is unfortunately out of my hands, unless schools want me to come in and dazzle them with my lessons and knowledge of bullying issues.

I’m also really behind in reading blogs and commenting, and I duly apologize. Hopefully I will be able to get back on that ASAP.

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Last weekend

August 27th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in anxiety | Glasgow | headache | I don't want to go | life | pain | travel | UK - (0 Comments)

This is the last time I will be posting from Glasgow. :( I was finally able to sell my netbook (NOT at a profit- I wish I hadn’t purchased it now) so I will be going home with a tiny bit of money. I need to find a job and fast. I’m stressed and my head and back are aching something fierce and I just do not want to go.

I’ve had to get rid of more than half of my wardrobe and I still can’t fit all of my stuff in my suitcase (and I can’t afford to pay for extra weight or another suitcase). I am going to have to have stuff stored here and have it sent on later when I have money. Hopefully I won’t need sweaters too soon in MA. The stress is making me slowly insane and I am having trouble coping.

I really hope that I can find a job and a place to live ASAP. There are so many things I have to do when I get back and I feel very overwhelmed already.

I am really hoping that the posts from the US are much happier, and that I can find a good and supportive blogging community once I am back in the Boston area.

I’m going to miss you Glasgow and the UK as a whole. :(

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Still stunned

August 11th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in deep thoughts | Edinburgh | Glasgow | grad school | grief | I don't want to go | London | MAAN | UK - (1 Comments)

I’m still stunned and in shock over everything that has happened over the past 24 hours.   I can’t even really eat or concentrate. It still doesn’t feel real to me, and all the plans I had for the next few months are just a distant memory (getting a kitty, planning a quick stage door trip, John Barrowman in November, Christmas lights in London, Hogmanay in Edinburgh . . .  .).  I just feel this tremendous loss at this point and it is making it hard for me to not break down every time I remember something else I was going to do.

It’s making it hard to be happy for Steph who is staying.  I am so happy for her and that she found a new supervisor and it looks like smooth sailing.  And I am truly happy for her.  I just want to be here too.  I wish I had known this was going to happen and then I would have found a way to get on a Tier 2 visa so I could stay and work.  I would have loved to have moved to London to work and/or teach.  That’s my dream.  I hope some day it can come true.

And as much as I was worrying about writing 100k worth of dissertation, I’m even more worried about heading home, finding a job, and dealing with finances, and the grief I’m still carrying.

I know I only have myself to blame, but that’s another story for another time.

Right now the only thing I can do is pack, donate, sell, job search, and pray that I can find something quick that pays well.   So if you’re in Boston and you know of any schools that are hiring or anything or know of someone who might need a room mate come Oct/Nov, send them my way if you could please.

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Bottom of the ninth

August 10th, 2011 | Posted by cindy in deep thoughts - (0 Comments)

When I woke up this morning and got the latest update about my student loans, I was at the bottom of the ninth with one batter out and a runner at third with a tie score.

I called up the website and went through all the steps, but I just knew I was going to strike out.  Now there are 2 outs.

Then I got an email and a phone call and it looked like I might be able to hit a single and drive that batter home.  It was 3-2.  And I struck out.  Game over.

The hopes I had of staying here in Glasgow are gone now and I’m faced with decisions I don’t want to make and emails I’m afraid to receive.  I need to decide what I am going to do.  I have the emergency fund money- well the bank still has it….. and that would get me back to the US. But…..that leaves a lot of unsettled things here that that money would take care of, but then I can’t get back to the states.   There is also someone else I have to take into consideration re: rent and etc and that would need to be dealt with too.

I can’t stay here and work- well I can until November/Decemberish, but the distinct lack of jobs here that I am qualified for would make that a challenge, especially if I am trying to support myself to live and save money for a flight.

So right now- I have no idea what I am going to do.  My mind is going a million miles an hour and I feel so let down.

 

The game wasn’t supposed to end this way.

 

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